


Bounce

by mittamoo



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Autistic Aaron, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-02 23:21:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13328568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mittamoo/pseuds/mittamoo
Summary: It's just something that Aaron has always done, he doesn't know why but it always makes him feels better when he does, but its something he shouldn't do because it also marks him as different and makes him feel ashamed after





	Bounce

**Author's Note:**

> I finally wrote my hardcore projecting onto Aaron as autistic fic! Enjoy!

It’s something he’s always done ever since he was little, doesn’t really understand why but he likes it, likes the constant motions, the way it feels against his skin or in his mouth. He remembers bouncing, full bodied, two feet off of the ground bouncing during the time before his mum walked out on him. He didn’t do it like that all over the time, just when he was so excited that little bounces didn’t seem right for how he was feeling. For a while at least he got away with it, his mum would just smile at him and ruffle his hair. It doesn’t last forever though because his mum stops smiling indulgently at him when he bounces, or rocks, or flaps his hand quickly. She stops kissing his forehead and calling him her little hummingbird. After a while she starts to frown at him and place her hands on his shoulders to still him.

“Stop that now Aaron you’re big now and it makes you look simple” she says while they’re stood in the kitchen “you can’t keep doing this once you start school, you know” she snaps another evening after he accidentally knocked something off of the table.

Maybe six is too big to bounce and flap now, so he tries to stop it but it’s difficult and no matter how hard he tries, he finds that he just keeps doing it whenever he isn’t paying attention. He stops whenever he catches himself being bad but stopping makes him feel wrong too. When he feels like he wants do those things he stops himself as best he can, he can’t stop everything. He still can’t stop the twitching of his fingers and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to sit entirely still but his mum doesn’t snap at him anymore and that has to be a good thing right? _Right?_

Things start to get harder for Aaron, things start to get overwhelming for him so much faster than before and he can’t control it. He starts having these meltdowns when he can barely think or focus on anything other than the feeling of too much at once. No matter how he tries he always seems to be a disappointment. She doesn’t snap at him anymore instead she screams at him and tells him that he’s getting too old be having tantrums. Aaron doesn’t know how to make them stop he just wants his mum to love him again.

After his mum leaves, his dad is even less patient with him. Eventually he learns that its okay if he does it in his room or when nobody can see him do it, it helps stop him from getting so overwhelmed that he can’t cope anymore. After all one more secret doesn’t make a lot of difference.

*****

Getting away from his dad was one of the best things he’s ever done but it’s also hard, being in a new place is hard and it means that he can’t do the things he normally would. It makes him feel unsettled and off balance. He feels the need to rock much more often but the dingle house is so full of people that he never has a moment alone where he can. The Dingles are a loud threatening unknown full of people who could hurt him and certainly don’t like him either. He knows that the only reason he’s here is because he has to be, Aaron isn’t under any illusions that anybody actually wants him here. Any day now his mother is going to decide to pack him off into care, force his dad to take him back or one of them is going to take matters into their own hands. He doesn’t know which option he’s more scared of.

There’s a moment in time when the house seems to be completely empty, for once it’s quiet and Aaron is going to take full advantage of it. He lets himself rock on his heels whilst he puts the kettle on to make tea. He likes the way the slight swaying makes him feel after so long stopping himself from doing what he needs to.

“What are you doing?” Belle’s voice sounds out from behind him, he stills as soon as he hears her.

“Nothing why?” Aaron snaps back sharply but he can already feel his face heating up with shame.

“Weird,” She says before turning around to walk away. Aaron shifts on his feet, the last thing he needed was another reminder that he was broken.

*****

He’s in a good mood today, the best mood he’s been in for a long time, ever since his mum decided that she wanted nothing to do with him for the second time. He likes Paddy’s house with its quiet, he likes Paddy. Paddy who is kind and soft and wouldn’t hurt him. Who doesn’t shout at him when he gets overwhelmed or talks at him too much about things that nobody but him cares about.  He likes Adam too, which is why he’s so excited he’s never had a proper mate before not one like Adam who likes him even though he’s weird and broken.

It starts before he’s even aware that he’s doing it, the bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. For a while he continues on barely aware of it outside of how natural it feels, he doesn’t feel guilty or ashamed, right now he’s just excited for his plans later. He keeps on like that until he can hear the toaster pop behind him but when he turns around to grab the toast, he sees Paddy standing in the doorway watching him. He isn’t frowning at him like Aaron was expecting; instead there’s a fond smile spread across his features. Even so he can feel the shame settle heavily in his gut and crawl up and seize around his ribs.  So he does what he always does, he pushes past Paddy and flees up into his bedroom leaving his half-made breakfast abandoned behind him.

The door is barely shut behind him when he hears Paddy climbing the stairs behind him. Aaron can only imagine what Paddy is going to say to him after that display, if five was too old for him to be doing stuff like that he doesn’t want to know what Paddy is going to think of him knowing that he still does it even at seventeen. Although he knew that Paddy would be coming to speak to him he still flinches when Paddy knocks on the door.

“Aaron? I’m coming in,” he warns before he pushes his door open. Aaron can’t help but bite down on his finger as he does so “It’s okay you know?”

“What?” Aaron can’t help but respond, he wasn’t expecting this.

“What you were doing downstairs, stimming, It’s perfectly normal you know that right?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Paddy smiles at him and punches his shoulder as he confirms and Aaron can’t help but think that Paddy is the best thing that ever happened to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


End file.
